You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why did my mother make you get naked?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
