Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
