So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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