im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
