He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
