She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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