a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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