I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
