thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
