so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
