the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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