i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
