allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize