Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
