Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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