I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
