Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
