dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
