Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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