worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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