So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
