thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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