If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
