i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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