Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
