dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize