you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
