I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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