We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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