Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
