I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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