She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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