I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
