kristin has been a bad kristin
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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