you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
