Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize