I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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