she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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