something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So vagazzling was a success
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
