I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
last night I used snow as a chaser
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
