I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
