Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
