After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
