Im at strip club and am horny
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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