I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just pee around me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
