you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
