I wish my penis had an off switch
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Someone came in the potted fern
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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