You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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