I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
