i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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