Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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