I forgot how hot balto sounded
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
