R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
