I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
