my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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