I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
