The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
