He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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