that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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