Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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