she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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