so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
