you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
