birth control should be required to get into college
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
