From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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