ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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