I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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