Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
