after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
