a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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