I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Mom said you looked used
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
