Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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