cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
