i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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