Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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