we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
