smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
