I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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