you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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