I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Pappa wants mamma naked
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
