just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize