Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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