my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
