Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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