its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize