The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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