Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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