Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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