Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
