I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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