whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
