oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
