My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
