If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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